sometimes the words that was never meant to, poke the hardest.

The people in the outside world say there is alot of things right and alot of things flawed about our education system. I agree with some and disagree with some. Most of it I don't really remember.

Mostly what I don't really agree with is what one of my most beloved primary school teacher used to say. "You must study hard and be successful in life. You don't want to be the road side sweeper or the person selling macdonald"
*NOTE: I Do NOT look down nor despise any of these professions, i dare say they are essential to our livelihood as much as anyone else might disagree with me on this. If you do, then fine, imagine a world where you clean your own neighbourhoods, office, corridors etc. Not really liking it eh, then yes, they deserve more respect then you know. And by the way, some Macdonald's managers do earn a very decent amount i'm sure.

I'm sure her bottom line was just to make us work harder for our PSLE, in my time since a young age we were inculcated to know that failure was not an option. That was not my personal motto of course cause i always believed in as long as you do your best, you are able to face yourself. Till date i can tell myself that i can't look back and say if only i've tried harder because i know i try harder than anyone else  (no i don't dare to claim that) and even if i didn't do as well as i hope i did put in my best, and sometimes with luck or without luck, your best is not enough. But at least in your conscience, i didn't not try hard enough.

That being said I still take failure or rather big mistakes lah, not every mistake is a failure ( like that, life too bitter already. haha) as a personal downfall? injury? I don't know how to put it, but it's a jab to my pride because i do everything to my best and letting that happen is only like a slap in the face.

They taught me everything but in what I feel forgot to teach us that failure and mistakes are part and parcel of life. Big of small, accept them with graciousness. I am learning. 

Of course i do know that when you do something wrong you have to learn to admit it and say sorry and make amendments. But i guess in Asian culture (or maybe every culture but Asian more strongly) even if you have done everything right, no one might notice appreciate or praise you (suck it up, it's pretty normal in an asian context. lol) but once you create a black spot in the clean sheet of paper everyone will remember you for it. Even i myself don't let myself forget mistakes i make easily, it haunts me from time to time. Well, in all bad there must be something positive right?

And an innocent enough yet potent message strike right to the heart.
"Don't take it personally"
I'm actually a pretty slow witted person sometimes, and what i don't know won't kill me...i got the hint but wasnt bright enough to figure it out fully. 

but if people put it out this way to me to actually be very nice about it, it will back fire on me...I am weird like that. I mean the other party is being very objective and nice but like telling a crying person dont cry the person might just sob a bucket more. Haa. But I am thankful because it was a good thought from you:) 

sometimes the words that was never meant to, poke the hardest. 

Of course, if i turn around to look at it from a different angle, it has in fact taught me a lesson as to how i can better manage myself in that situation or what i can do if i meet the same situation or even how i can minimise avoid that situation. Yes, the pride is sore, but when you make a mistake be prepared for a lesson. I did and i was sorry. But i bash myself up alot sometimes. ( i wonder if its an asian thing or just me. ill never really say or show it but inside i slap myself..haha...o the visuals) Sometimes i think i have too much pride for my own good or take too much pride for the things i do, but then again I don't think it's a bad thing. I think? Double edged sword.

Papa once said "I believe that everyone who goes to work wants to do a good job, nobody goes in wanting to do a bad job."

I wasn't 100% sure of what he was saying, but he was relating this to his new staff/interns about their lack of skills and proficiency or something in that sense, but they tried, and even when they give him rubbish (maybe not, maybe just not as up to standard) he didn't scold them cause that was what he believed in. *beams at papa who say that sentence*

It's true i guess so that's where the pride comes from, not the over achiever 'hao lian' act yi ge very smart too good for other people kinda pride, i'm pretty sure i'm not such a person.

Appreciation to me is what the other party needs to feel, it should never be left to a situation where it is cold, unfeeling, hard and rigid. Tell me what i should like you for.

Then wouldn't it defeat the whole purpose...?