Departures

Departure to me seems like a sad word no matter which context I try to fit it to actually. There's the extreme kind of 生离死别 and of course the everyday kind where most of us will see in our lives; the not so extreme version of departures. From friends leaving for a short trip or a long trip overseas it all fall under the same category.

 Recently in this year or rather just this few months or in my stint of being in this same job I've seen so many people come and go. But it's normal I guess, even some of my buddies have swooped jobs as per changing clothes. Gone were the days where people stay at least 10,15,20 years in one job. 

I took a month to come to terms that ill be "losing" my fighting buddy who started it out with me. Yes, no one acknowledges what we did, probably it might mean nothing as a whole, but I always say we know what we do is good enough. (Well most of the time when I get infuriated I beg to differ, but one think I know is I never once let my conscience down) oops sidetrack, the angry elf was jumping out for abit. 

And so officially when I start next week, I lost a good partner. I get attached and sentimental ( this only happens when I let people into my 圈圈 if not ill feel sad and that's about it) and then on Friday one of the MY ops told me she was leaving too that day. 😱 Double horror. She was my roomie from the last trip and my go to whenever I needed stuff from MY, I guess I built a certain kind of bond and friendship there too..

But I am grateful that she did say bye to me on her last day, I don't know, but it means alot to me at least:) I wish her all the best! 

Was chatting with another techie from MY who was saying that he too share my thoughts, see I'm not so weird after all. Haha. I realised that towards newer people I tend to be nice but not close. It's two very different things. 

People come people go, it's very normal, but being human or it's a pieces trait, I don't know. We hate the sort of feeling during departure. 

But after all those being said, departure is not the end, well unless the person is flying after for good, but even so you can still make the effort to maintain a relationship and bond forged:) It'll be alot harder but if it works out it'll be another friendship for life no? 

So no romantic relationship? No worries,bffpt. I'm already very busy maintaining all my other kind of relationships. Yes friends are a integral part of my life and family, I never take them for granted, so I always take time to appreciate the things, people and bond in my life:) 

And it's 4am in the morning, being a sentimental freak, no wonder I can't be a top blogger cause I don't write about cool cafes and fashion, I write about what's in my head, but owell, maybe 10 years later ill read this and have a good laugh. 

Hello the ten years later me! Hope you are still being randomly crazy and very happy. :)

....

Wishing you all the best, thank you for crossing in my path. :) we'll eat cakes soon!

...

sometimes the words that was never meant to, poke the hardest.

The people in the outside world say there is alot of things right and alot of things flawed about our education system. I agree with some and disagree with some. Most of it I don't really remember.

Mostly what I don't really agree with is what one of my most beloved primary school teacher used to say. "You must study hard and be successful in life. You don't want to be the road side sweeper or the person selling macdonald"
*NOTE: I Do NOT look down nor despise any of these professions, i dare say they are essential to our livelihood as much as anyone else might disagree with me on this. If you do, then fine, imagine a world where you clean your own neighbourhoods, office, corridors etc. Not really liking it eh, then yes, they deserve more respect then you know. And by the way, some Macdonald's managers do earn a very decent amount i'm sure.

I'm sure her bottom line was just to make us work harder for our PSLE, in my time since a young age we were inculcated to know that failure was not an option. That was not my personal motto of course cause i always believed in as long as you do your best, you are able to face yourself. Till date i can tell myself that i can't look back and say if only i've tried harder because i know i try harder than anyone else  (no i don't dare to claim that) and even if i didn't do as well as i hope i did put in my best, and sometimes with luck or without luck, your best is not enough. But at least in your conscience, i didn't not try hard enough.

That being said I still take failure or rather big mistakes lah, not every mistake is a failure ( like that, life too bitter already. haha) as a personal downfall? injury? I don't know how to put it, but it's a jab to my pride because i do everything to my best and letting that happen is only like a slap in the face.

They taught me everything but in what I feel forgot to teach us that failure and mistakes are part and parcel of life. Big of small, accept them with graciousness. I am learning. 

Of course i do know that when you do something wrong you have to learn to admit it and say sorry and make amendments. But i guess in Asian culture (or maybe every culture but Asian more strongly) even if you have done everything right, no one might notice appreciate or praise you (suck it up, it's pretty normal in an asian context. lol) but once you create a black spot in the clean sheet of paper everyone will remember you for it. Even i myself don't let myself forget mistakes i make easily, it haunts me from time to time. Well, in all bad there must be something positive right?

And an innocent enough yet potent message strike right to the heart.
"Don't take it personally"
I'm actually a pretty slow witted person sometimes, and what i don't know won't kill me...i got the hint but wasnt bright enough to figure it out fully. 

but if people put it out this way to me to actually be very nice about it, it will back fire on me...I am weird like that. I mean the other party is being very objective and nice but like telling a crying person dont cry the person might just sob a bucket more. Haa. But I am thankful because it was a good thought from you:) 

sometimes the words that was never meant to, poke the hardest. 

Of course, if i turn around to look at it from a different angle, it has in fact taught me a lesson as to how i can better manage myself in that situation or what i can do if i meet the same situation or even how i can minimise avoid that situation. Yes, the pride is sore, but when you make a mistake be prepared for a lesson. I did and i was sorry. But i bash myself up alot sometimes. ( i wonder if its an asian thing or just me. ill never really say or show it but inside i slap myself..haha...o the visuals) Sometimes i think i have too much pride for my own good or take too much pride for the things i do, but then again I don't think it's a bad thing. I think? Double edged sword.

Papa once said "I believe that everyone who goes to work wants to do a good job, nobody goes in wanting to do a bad job."

I wasn't 100% sure of what he was saying, but he was relating this to his new staff/interns about their lack of skills and proficiency or something in that sense, but they tried, and even when they give him rubbish (maybe not, maybe just not as up to standard) he didn't scold them cause that was what he believed in. *beams at papa who say that sentence*

It's true i guess so that's where the pride comes from, not the over achiever 'hao lian' act yi ge very smart too good for other people kinda pride, i'm pretty sure i'm not such a person.

Appreciation to me is what the other party needs to feel, it should never be left to a situation where it is cold, unfeeling, hard and rigid. Tell me what i should like you for.

Then wouldn't it defeat the whole purpose...?

quarter life crisis?

So I decided to fulfill (my english has deteriorated from too much auto correct that in this sentence itself i had two mis-spellings of  of fulfill and deteriorated. oh boy. All this quick english and social media will make my english teacher in primary and secondary and newswriting prof in uni flip. Must take note before I become one of those yuppies with really bad english ( or so the adults like to think)) what i written in my previous blogpost today as a start - to write more. :)

In between the first paragraph and second my comp decided to do an impromptu shut down but chrome was able to restore it....hoorah!:D (wait a minute, i know what you are thinking. I am still a firefox fan, but the browser has some problem on my home comp...so i'm using chrome here. Firefox you know i still love you. ;P)

found this cute firefox vs chrome pic from mr google. 

Ok, so after much digressing in the first paragraph I would really want to go back to HELLO Quarter Life Crisis! Does it even exist?! I believe it's really much something people make up along the way. 

"Hey there's mid life crisis. The younger generation need one too ok - we need a label, term or something to express our difficulties at this stage." And thus i guess that was how quarter life crisis came about. I did a quick google and here you go! What is coined as quarter life crisis is:

"feeling doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult"

I guess this is pretty true, at every point in life when we make transitions it is a scary one. Kindergarten to Primary to Secondary to Pre U to Uni to Work to Marriage to having Kids. For some it is more smooth flowing, for some we have to stumble along the way to understand what is to make out of each stage and path of our life during that period. Rather than say it changes us, i would put it as it molds us. 

I recently just turned 25 in March. Ah great, announce to the world how old i am, smart move. smart move. -.- but then again as a friend who pointed out to me that not many people would put their birth year on fb so brazenly for everyone to know their age, i flatly replied, and that is my age, i am that old, so be it. 

haha. I never really realise how old it is to be 25 years old, for starters, I thought 24 years old last year was pretty close 18-19 year old age....boy was i horrified to do the math and realise it was a good 7-8years. *oh god help me. i'm living in oblivion* 

I guess me being so slow to realise is pretty much in line with my character and whole life. I am never one of those witty smart ass kid who thinks and reacts quick on their feet. In fact i mostly feel that i belong to the 慢半拍group. Studies wise showed pretty clearly, but i was a hardworking kid ok. 有一点笨笨有一点傻傻的but老天爱笨小孩 right? Must be lah. haha. 

Physiologically and psychologically i also mature a little slower. I learn and want things differently. My body also reacts more slowly. At the age where everyone was having adolescence "pimples" I was having non of that. At poly most people clear up and start soaring like swans. Me? I flared with pimples after poly years somewhere beginning of my Uni days. (Those were some dark days. Funny to say now, but #Truestory. Bad skin is no joke) At the age where most girls are very into brands, makeup and dressing prettily I took in non of that even when all my housemates were busy shopping in the outlets I was happy getting minimal stuff. 

I think mentally I have finally reached their state of mind then (2 years ago) so if i were to go back in time to the time when i were in the states I would be able to appreciate alot more things. That being said, no i am still not all girly girl. I still like being cool, and handsome appropriately sometimes, not all days feel like girly days. lol

Filed my taxes for the first time this year, paying for my own insurance and those card bills of my buys i am owning responsibility of myself. Partly, minimally, because after all one is living under the same roof with my parents which i'm grateful for. With my keep, i probably am not able to feed myself and have a sturdy roof over my head.yet. (property prices, can you go down or not?). I do take everyday alot for granted seemingly, but i am very thankful actually. :)

I guess my transition of quarter life crisis comes in the form of seeing every other friend around me getting married with plans of the future. For me now as much as I try to see, it seems pretty hazy, pretty foggy. I want to step into the next transition of life, i want to provide as much as i can for my parents cause they are growing older, i need to learn to be a pillar and not just a bamboo stick to row the boat. And as per how i've done it my whole life, I'll take it a step at a time, I won't rush into anything just because I'm drowning, and i need a life buoy, for if i ever do that it would be most selfish to not only whomever but myself. That being said, sometimes I wonder if i shouldn't be so rational. And be selfish, cause someone once asked me, isn't it easier to just take care of yourself and disregard the consequences? But i do, if i selfishly do stupid stuff for stupid reasons and then feel bad about it. wouldn't that be more self harming?

O well, I've pretty much gone through life in this manner of slow and steady, (never 100% sure cause who knows what tomorrow brings. but when i decide to venture out, i'll put my best into it. never failed) i'll get there. :) I can't fail myself, nor my parents at least. and yesh. i still believe i am that hardworking kid who works for my future, boring and uncool to say, but at least i can say I try to make the best choices my future. :) act yi ge hardworking only. lol

So 神啊， 再一次帮一帮， 这个糊里糊涂的以25的小妹妹。 不老但也不小了。 哈哈。its time to find that someone to melt the black frozen ice block, with my rationality, fear? and stubborness. I doubt the higher powers can help me...but still. somehow? one will never know. If not, i can always travel around the world in my own independence. :D 

there. i decided not to end it on a gloomy note. 

 pic from fanpop.com

And so i always secretly somehow hope, as slow as i am in blooming, it does not turn out to be a bad thing in life. it will be as Fa Zhou Mulan's father put's it...

"the most beautiful of all"

you start and end with the thing you loved in the first place.

found this the other day online and thought yea...this is pretty true. Sometimes we get so lost in chasing and wanting to 'get better and bigger' we kinda get lost in the whole rat race.

Sometimes it's not that important to be 'that important' yes, it's good to always seek improvement but we must always remember what we love and stick close to it while being ourselves. If you get lost, go back to the basics, remember why you held on in the first place. All outer obstacles are secondary, if they stand in your way travel back to just do what you love, grit your teeth, you can pull through somehow. :)

Alots been on lately...

Hellos! Pardon my absence for this period of time...alot has been going on on my own life lately..it's really too private to share..lets just say its been leaving me a lil shattered. So my apologies! I will write real soon, I'm trying!:)) don't leave meeee...:p

People who know me well will know that family comes as a number one priority then close friends close enough to be family kind of friends...so if anyone I love is hurt or in pain I feel it double..mum always laugh and say when u see people cry, you cry even harder... Err. Not comforting fail I hope...it's just that I can feel you yo..I'd rather I feel the pain and someone worry over me than be it e other way round. Yesh, I'm selfish like tt. I like being cared for.:p And recently I've realised that through e spate of recent events you can see who really bothers... And you feel especially touched when you see that:) thank you to all who have been pouring your love in:) you've given me strength to smile after crying. and thank god, I was born with tear ducts. :D people say stay strong, for me? I just let it all out and then after tt I can put on a smile again,maybe not e best one, but at least a nice brave one to face e next day and continue waking.

There will be those who genuinely care and have and make e time to bother about your welfare and there are also those who will just make a passing remark and forget abt it all..I'm just glad as I said in twitter, in trying times it's good to be among the people you love and the people who love you:)) mum has been touched by all e sincere love and wishes pouring in for her...you see, people whom you seldom keep in contact with specially calling to send their regards, though it doesn't bring really anything much ( material wise) but honestly nothing can beat that warm fuzzy feeling inside:))

Thank you, you guys whom have shared your kind love, care and Concern.. Really appreciate it:)) .... Ok enough of my deep heart to heart talk. Where did all those words suddenly come from? Hahah...verbal vomit.

Pardon me! :p wanted to add some photos but I I'm using my Hp to blog this post..so I'm not too sure how it works yet omg noob!!:p End of long verbal vomit today..best thing is I wrote without thinking so much, hope I didn't write nonsense. Shall look through it to edit when I free... Till then be a nice human! :)

Hello there:)

Hellos! Are you missing me? (so bhb i know. lols:PP) Haven't blogged in a few days...I guess things will be like this from now on, because if you've been with me, reading...(yay! thank you. haha) you would know, i've made a transition in life now and would be pretty pretty busy already. (boo to being busy, but yay to taking the next big step in life. Everyone has to grow up.) But growing up doesn't mean growing old ok?!

I will still always keep my youthful heart and what i call my inner kid alive! (aliveee! Aliveee!!! muahahaah.) Which means, i would still love Mayday (nothing to do with my inner kid, that's probably the fan girl in me) I would still love my DISNEYLAND!:D No such things as 'those childish cartoons' for me...it keeps your mind alive and active, what childish?! :P And being with WongFu, watching their stuff, because like me, they keep their inner kid alive and well too....! Me likes that.

Ok, so today's post isn't exactly a real post, but really to just let anyone who is reading there know or understand whats going on so they (you) won't stop reading because you think i'm not writing anymore...*gasp. the horrors!*hahaha...so yea, it'll be less frequent but i'll keep writing!:)

and when i can get a iphone (dreamdream first) i can more easily post entries like Jy!:)))

Ok, it's dinner time...time to go makan! Hope your dinner is pretty awesome too! You haven't had it yet? GOgo! Go find some yummy fooood!:) Before i go...in case you miss me (i'm getting abit too bhb aka ahead of myself aren't i? hehe:p) here are some pics of me to share! (well,its only because i downloaded some old pics from my hp, so i have these pics..i didn't specially get them because i was feeling narcissistic...or was i? *deng deng deenng...*:P

Tadaa! I was trying to take a good picture of my new smurf blouse! 

lalalalalalah~ Sing a Happy Song!

Have you watched the movie yet?

Watched it with the girls and found it pretty funny!:)

i realise the belt looks like its in a awkward position here, making the blouse float up in an awkward position too...haha

This blouse is actually pretty comfy thats why i like it...and because its blue and also if you know me...because its in checks! hahahahahaha...darn, why do i also like checked clothes?

O! I just bought a chibi maruko aka xiao wan zi kids tee from giodarno yesterday!:D

it only came in kids size, but i really love xiao wan zi so i made the nice sales person help me dig for the biggest kid size. Yesh, i can fit in!:))) heh. If i do remember, i'll take a picture to show you guys next time!

 I miss meeting my buggers, flautist gals, OCU pals...busy busy to meet them, and their busysbuy to meet me. O god, lets hope our schedules sync into together smoothly soon...i have so many things to tell them in out chats....

Till then, enjoy the week peeps!:))

只要还有不甘心，就还不到放弃的时候

从以前到现在， 都是这样的一个人。 对于自己很在乎的事， 如果心有不甘， 就是会心里很不舒服， 不想去放弃。 


就因为这个不甘心不舒服我硬着头皮去追去问。 终于今天得到了一个答案。 if I were to put it, it would be i got one bad news and one good news...which one would you like to hear?


the bad news is, 薪水会比较少。 but it's also not a bad news lah, to me, 只要我努力，　没有什么事是办不到的！（as ling say, be positive!:))
the good news is, 好象觉得终于有人要我了， 还有会是在自己喜欢的地方。

是自己去争取会来的机会我觉得特别不容一。 可是有可能也因为酱， 才会懂得比别人更珍惜。 


星期一， 祝我一切都顺顺利利吧！ 好不容一好象要lucky一点了。 虽然因为面对过不一样的事情而会有一点灰心，会小心一一的去走每一步因为还是会一点点怕怕的， 可是我就是那个打不死的小外星人！ｍｕａｈａｈａｈａ.　很快就又会神经很大条的晃来晃去。　风水轮流转,　这次好运论到我了！heheh. 


Gambatte mo! I will jia you de!




Thank you for the past love and luck shared with me, well, if you don't mind, keep them coming...Wish me bucketful of luck! and share lotsa Love! :))) muacks. thank you.

还好我是天生的乐观派

还好我是天生的乐观派

usually i always try to keep myself in the most optimistic manner to see things in the better light despite sometimes being called more naive or nicely innocent. 

but sometimes when you meet blow after blow some written some unwritten, some said some not said, its hard to be that way, and your mind starts playing tricks on you. 

You know and your repeating to yourself to hang in there, smile a lil and stay bright, and even if you might not think its going to go off to well a good optimistic attitude is going to make everything better. You know, you understand the logic, but somehow you miss it. 

sometimes it just takes a lil someone to tell it to you. 

while chatting with the girls over swenson's (or after) it just took one word in the conversation from Ling to jolt me back in thoughts to life. 

I was looking at the bleak tunnel with not much sunshine waiting for me inside and she just said be positive!(ok, i think there wasn't the exclamation mark:P)

but suddenly it seems like, yea. Its not as if i haven't seen more shit before, work till 1am no ot bad company, rejections.........yadayada. i haven't died. 

Why in the world am i sighing over what i haven't even seen?

Face it positively, that's what i am going to do. 

Come what may, if hey, you don't like me or i don't like you we can call the deal off then. 

But till what may come, i'll do what i always do best, give it my best with positivity:)

well, that is if we do get any deal settled. so i'm not saying anything, who knows, shit happens everyday right? ( i guess a lil of me still holds on to caution very tightly, caution of putting too much hope in anything.)
...

thanks jy and ling for watching smurfs with me yesterday and also having all the food despite only wanting ice cream, and a chit chat, though we didn't dwell much into it, but thanks you girls:)) for being there unknowingly. heh:)
muacks.

and of course thanks to all which send love my way.

Treasured outings

Growing up and maintaining relationships with people are very different things. It doesn't necessarily mean the people you make friends with will stick with you throughout your life. Therefore the older you grow the more friends you know (because I used to assume as a kid, its like maths right? you have 10 friends now in kindergarten, and then you make 10 more in primary school and then 10 more in secondary so by the time you graduate from poly that should leave you around 40 over people, or so in my naive thoughts it should be alot of people) But growing up you learn that there are people who are friends and there are people who are close friends, and sometimes try as you might even close friends can one day turn into just friends whom you are not as willing to share every other secret with, or feel totally awkward just being around with. In life, i have never regretted being friends with anyone, yes, many walked and in and out of my life as i might have walked out of theirs, intentionally or unintentionally.

Friendships as in all other relationships in life need some effort to maintain, I realise life and the relationships we build go in a full circle. O crap i actually wanted to do a simple post of me and ting going out to coffee and post pics and i started to discuss more on it...and now i'm writing a looong story (which seems i'm being emo, when i am Not!! really. :))

So anyway, i'm really grateful so the time i got to sent with sis after her finishing up school during the free days. In quite a number of ways it felt as if we were back to secondary school, i told her when we saw some secondary school kids in the mrt telling each other "see you tmr" that last time that was one thing which we easily took for granted. Nowadays you don't get to see your buddies everyday and be sure when you say see you tmr that when tmr comes, you'll see each other somewhere in school. Orange would say i'm getting old, because i'm being sentimental. -_- haha. but ain't that true? i mean now it would be pretty awesome if you get to meet your budds more than 2-3 times in the same month (because my budds are pretty awesome and busy popular people);P

During this free-r time that ting had i felt we had gotten closer again ( we were always close, shes my sis of course) but how do i put it, close enough to lay out what i thought were my grievances through the past few years. I am the kind of person who would not openly share my thoughts especially if they are intimately negative ones because i fear to be judge or worst face the anger. *horrors* So if i every let you know i am upset with you or the situation we're facing, booyaa! you are so that very important to me. hehe:P

And after the whatsapp session into late night i felt that finally i've gotten the load off my chest, i finally said it out. haha. and we talked about it...i think its good to communicate thoughts! but i say it but i don't do it much, i know right. lol. And after that 'confession' session as i called it, because i think of it as my petty thoughts being laid out...and then talked and shared and laugh..we had a number of coffee sessions...:) we talked and gossiped about lotsa stuff, i love it when you have endless things to share with each other. i admit, i'm a boring person and if i don't gather with a person i can click with, jialat, the conversations going to be boringgg,but i'll always try to be polite, but with sis, it never happens, even when we are both quiet there isn't the tinge of Awkward! kinda feel....:)
Here's a pic stolen from Ting's fb page...hehe...:D Himalayan tea latte from McCafe! mmm mmm!:)) i now like it too!:DD

Now shes back to being a busy busy bee and still a very popular person and i won't be able to see or bug her as often as when she was free but i feel, the bond's strong, as strong as before, the days when we used to always say see you tmr! Sis, jiayou!:DD and as always if i'm ever of any assistance i'm just a ring ring away:) thank you for spending time with me during your free time, it was really awesome:)

...

ps:This was suppose to be my outing post, i wonder why i had such a long intro that it just took over the whole story...so i guess i'll post my outing pics and the cafe i thought of introducing in the next post!;)

i prefer a smooth sailing sea.

a acquaintance i met at a headhunt (for sales people, they wanted me, are very nice and all, but its sales, if you don't sell the package you have to eat yourself. and many i've spoke to warn me against it, so i'm listening. so yea, you get what i mean, but that's another story) said to me in one of those small talks:

" Having rejections is more interesting right...? I mean like who would want a smooth journey all the time, it'll be pretty boring...All the more when people say no, you would be fired up...." This was in response to me asking..."so I think half the time people just ignore you and walk off am I right?" At this point of me asking this, it was a friendly small talk, we kinda gotta know each other and were comfortable speaking..

Hearing his response i just kindly smiled and nodded and continued the conversation...but in my head I was thinking, man, i would really rather a 'boring' road if it meant i would have to face less rejections in my life, or more security in that sense, he probably never really faced with big rejections in his life before, maybe apart from bgr. I live on the tenterhooks of bigger rejections and feelings of dejection, at every damn turning point in life. But hey, i haven't died yet, so i'm facing it with optimism. But honestly, if it meant a lil more boredom, maybe i'll just go for that, I enjoy an interesting bumpy ride too, but if there ain't any, i'll settle for a smooth sailing one and just enjoy the scenery to go with it.

and yet of course, while i'm saying these, mine is pretty much still quite flowly, because when you scream frustration, remember, there'll always be someone out there who needs to scream out louder.

B+!
Be Positive!;)

What is your biggest acheivement in life?

That was one of my questions during an interview. and i feel kinda cheated, not because of the question though, but because the interviewer seem to like me but then o well, i guess not. You know you get the vibes when you are being liked, disliked or stuff like that? Ok, maybe its just me who can feel such stuff. sensitive soul yo. hahaa...

So anyway, my reply was pretty simple. (actually i thought about this question a gazillion times before because i wondered if i met buddha, like when i'm gone and all, and buddha ask me this question at least i know what to ans....so yea, tts why i could easily ans.lol) she said life, not work.

So this was my answer:

" My biggest achievement in life would be that i build great relationships. *well, i wasn't thinking so much on the romantic sector of course. no i didn't say this* I have good friends and family, I think this is as much a bigger achievement than winning a prize or work wise because there are ups and downs in things like those but if i have good people behind and around me to support me, i can make it through and do better things in life."

They prompted...so you mean you make good friends for life? *Firmly* Good Friends And Family *Smile*

I guess, maybe they didn't like my answer after all, despite the profuse nodding on their side...

but o well. i stick to my guns. That it is.

who can tell me it isn't?
who can make me.

....

i met up with ting, jh and bie the other time..jo was supposed to come but couldn't make it in the end....haven't seen the whole gang in awhile.

listening to the chats we had that day all the more made me believe as blur and sometimes silly as i am at times i am pretty sharp at making friends for life.....*or maybe really lucky, 老天爱笨小孩 <3 * hahaha...

friends are not people who stay around to make your life miserable...
i always remember mom telling me this quote..
with friends like that, who needs enemies?

i hope my dear daughter finds more true friends and repel those 'evil' ones away.
god of suay friendship making, stop looking for her.
the buggers are around, we're watching you
we're watching her back, stop letting bad friends into her life.
*well apart from us. the buggers will be glued to each other for life*
:D

Happy 1st of June

1st of June today, i'm seeing lotsa status mentioning this, not too sure why it is so special though, but for me it just means half the year has gone ahead and another half a year to look forward to.

i'm still at a bummer in this point in life, basically i don't think many can understand what i'm going through with the kind of personality i have. But there's one thing for sure, in all my life, what hasn't killed me has only made me stronger, at this stage its gonna carry on being this way too.

I'm never the kind of person who had life smooth sailing, not to say i led a treacherous life full of pain and hardship, of course not, i'm really lucky to have good family and friends definitely. So which part is not so smooth? At every stage in my life it seems people just flow through but for me i always seem to hit a rock in the river and fall overboard awhile, but as long as i hang in there, it always work well for me. Better than anything.

So, job! I will get you, despite many rejections and hitting against the wall, letting my pride fall to the depths of the ocean , i will get something i can be proud to say is mine.

don't judge me.
i'm afraid.
but, heck.

Gambatte!
It's the 1st of June!
*no link* but still JIA YOU!
:D

yesh! i took that!:) at a art exhibition. :D nice and cheery!

Here's a little artpiece of bright colourful petal arrangements to cheer up your day!
:)

happiness can be found even in the darkest time.

Had a less than welcoming day yesterday, feels like i was transported back in time into a not too happy time non the less. Keeping back the tears (it was barely a second), swallowing your bruised pride which had been trampled on, sitting down on that bench and taking a deep breath you know its the start of a long battle, not a battle than everyone can empathise with, even some of your closer ones, you know you will make it through. I know i will.

As you grow up time is not a friend, in fact time never was, was it huh. I have a motivational poster in my cupboard which writes, i value the friend who for me finds time on the calender. But I cherish the friend who for me does not consult the calender.
But, hey, sorry, it doesn't happen. It can't happen, i mean the latter statement....we live in a cruel practical world, everyone is rushing for time for some 24 hours aren't even enough for them to use, to spare a little more out for you...maybe, take a queue number. It's not as if to say their unfeeling they don't care, i guess if i start moping and calling everyone for attention yea, they'll make some time for me...somehow a few weeks later....but then people just don't have the time to 'feel' people anymore. I remember in secondary sch, primary school days...we had all the time in the world to somehow figure out, feel, see, hear our friends unhappiness...they didn't have to spell it out to us...we saw signs...or hints they left on their blogs...faces..messages. Its not that i'm calling attention to myself now, its just a very sad situation humans face in the world today.

So much so, i've already forgotten what it really is like to share and pour your heart out to a friend. Maybe, probably, ok, i guess its just me, i do see some friends who have like their other half, and no, i'm not talking about boyfriends, girlfriends...i mean their buddies who know them just with a twitch of their lips. Time brings people apart, but sometimes, we can't just conveniently blame it on time, communication is a skill which needs to be practised for some, for others, they were born with the 'gift'. You would realised though i have a blog i'm not really the kind to go into everyday details; today i .....and felt .... then i .....so it was really ....Yea, not really my kind of expression, partly because too many details, i get lazy, another part comes along when i'm afraid what i write would not be pleasing to pals who read it. Just like this article. I'm not saying my friends couldn't care if i die, i'm more than positive they have lotsa love for me. i'm just saying time is pretty cruel, work, school, dates, other halves.....they don't even have enough time for themselves, then. who are you?

I realised, and am surprise how ready I could talk unguarded, ok semi, i'm known to be a very guarded person (don't ask me? i guess, if you've been growing up alone for so long, you learn to protect yourself more. and no, i'm not the kind of girl who cries for help from a guy for every other matter) to a friend when i was in the states, over a late night chat while everyone was asleep we just chatted. It seemed like no one around had ever asked me such stuff....and he/she just got it out, we chatted like old friends. i talked about a personality which i seldom really describe, and at that moment i was surprised that i spoke so freely too.

That friend though now very busy, yes, time once told me, you always tell others to come find you no matter what unhappiness they have or help they need, but when i ask you, you actually say You don't believe your problems are worth troubling people for. the friend didn't explicitly say don't think that way, i guessed he/she understood my pride and fear of judgement and wasting friend's time. but it sure did warmed my heart when i hear the same thing i always tell others came back 360 to me. Though, i wouldn't find this friend to share my problems because he/she already has a ton of their own, it was assuring.

Only thing, I still do't have somebody to just share daily grumbles, mope, cry, laugh, share my joy with for every little thing, and the other party treats me as so (well you'll feel stupid if its only one way because its like talking on the line and no one's answering)(Actually ling does call me out for dinner when shes free, once in a while i'll try calling people out but alway fail. its really just me. Shes a really busy gal, but i appreciate just short dinners and chats, sometimes we have more stuff at other times not so much but its still nice, and because shes so busy even when i feel i terrible and wanna call her i think shes too busy, so the next time when we meet i'll say, you know that day i was feeling so horrible and wanted to get ya but you were busy and she'll say hmm. ya, and we'll both laugh. its a mutual understanding i guess. haa. but it does make you feel better sometimes..) Updating friends on each others life is important, sharing nonsensical life's nothing is also bonding. never be judgemental, i'll run. haa. People say friends who are attached really can't spare extra time for you. So yes, i'll still swallow all unhappiness,pmses or worries and go on kicking. I have lived for 23 years haven't i?
Won't die. Just jealous at times, haa! A little down at times, but like a superficial wound, a word of encouragement, a big smile from you and you it heals and i forget all about it until i feel all pms-y again and write a big emo post like such.

but at the end of the day i always learn to count my blessings, i have an awesome family, awesome friends family. i always feel their love. :) thank you with sincerity. :)

hello money doesn't drop from heaven.

Sometimes i really feel like telling this to my little cousin....
Shes around secondary school age....and the things i use my lifetime to save and get for myself she just reaches her hand out to her parents and demands for it...tsktsk.

well, ok. they are rich, so..maybe shes used to it.

Imac: Wey! i don't even have one yet.

Isomething: I-don't have any apple products- YET. i'll earn my own.

JB concert ticket (most ex. can't remember, but definitely costing more that any most ex mayday concert ticket. bpffft. he can't compare to the quality they give.): i saw my first mayday concert after poly and was so happy i could finally see one cause i had money for ticketssss. rock on! and i woke up early to grab tickets, she had her mom queue for her. ahdoi. granted shes under 18.

and then now...
mommy. i want a dslr for my birthday. shes like 13?
HELLO! i got mine after like what?poly....?
now kids get everything.

yea, i'm grumbling. because
hello. sorry. sad truth, money doesn't drop from heaven.

damn. i sound like some whining little brat. hahahaha...ok. so if her parents can and want to give it to her, not that i should really care right?

but then where would that put the value of money in her eyes. its i want - i get isn't it?

i hope thats not the mentality of the generation though.

it was kind of sad.

i woke up bright and early this morning with my eyes half awake to skype back with my buddies back home, i've been excited about it for the longest time. but they say the bigger the anticipation the greater the dissapointment.

i'm having 16 hour difference in time zone, i slept at 3 due to all the planning and chaos. and wanted to call them using the land line but the stupid phone card just wouldn't work. fish. then i thought i'll just add the skype name first and then can wait for it later, then i went to set alarm to my 6am their 10pm...but i guess my body is just so freaking tired i didn't hear the damn alarm went off until about 7plus and then i logged in and saw not online yet? half eye open i just stared at the skype name hoping it'll work some magic. in bed half an eye open. that was how bad. haa. still very hopeful. falling in and out of doze. eh 8plus, no body? go fb to check msg...realise it was suppose to use another account....and also realised everyone went home already.

ok. my heart just sank. stupid land line.fish.why did you have to give up on me. stupid time zone. and i guess its just my lack of sleep and missing my buggers and not getting to talk to them even after trying to get up so hard, it all makes me feel so low at the moment. :( plus looking at the picture seeing what i miss. ok damn. its not home sick, its hmm, missing out your best friends sick. if anyone ever understands. :'( mix it with a dash of dissapointment. and to top it off, i woke up from a unhappy dream. ahh.shoot.

everyone's still dead asleep i guess i should too. have to wake up happier later.

i miss my buggers, it killed me that i didn't get to speak to them.

buggers, you can't imagine how sad i was when i couldn't get you all. missing you guys loads. sending lotsa love.maybe you guys dont miss me as much cause all of you are there but i miss you all the size of freaking USA. that big. :) and bigger.

i hate it when...

When we go out and i asked if anyone has any suggestions and preferences or timing or place etc etc that they would like to go or get. non. silence. anything.

ok then. i'll decide. But after decision and some coordination there will be someone who will pop out and say WHY NOT ______something else. fill in the blank. then, WHY NOT voice out your suggestion decision in the first place instead of picking the nuts and bolts of other decisions.

When i say anything or i keep my silence i really mean anything and would go with it. apparently. not everybody's words seem the same.

thank you for trampling on my sincerity

i realised what mom said was right...poison words even if they were unintentionally cut as sharp as a razor.

i lugged it home and all the way only to realise it was unappreciated and unwanted.
nice. thank you for trampling on my sincerity so blatantly.

maybe i should have invested the sum in a little happiness.

next time i shan't play the unwanted hero zero and sing the unsung song, no one appreciates anyway, right. no one is going to. what for.

i guess all i can say is...

your welcome.